


Welcome to the Whedonverse

by kitlee625, Sarahastro



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Firefly
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-21
Updated: 2014-03-21
Packaged: 2018-01-16 10:50:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1344736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitlee625/pseuds/kitlee625, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarahastro/pseuds/Sarahastro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens at Character-Con stays at Character-Con.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Welcome to the Whedonverse

“Are you sure we’re going the right way?” Coulson asks. They are walking through a maze of aisles in an enormous convention center. Everywhere he looks there are people in unfamiliar clothing, speaking unfamiliar languages. Before today he would have said that nothing could surprise him after his years as a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, but seeing the crowd at Character-Con has him rethinking that.

A young woman wearing overalls and a pink shirt bounces over to them. “New people! Shiny! You must be the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.”

“Yes, we are. Is this where we’re supposed to be?” Coulson asks.

“Yep, this here’s the Whedonverse.” She gestures at the banner floating overhead. “It’s been a long time since we’ve gotten new faces over here.” She points out the various groups. “That there is the Buffyverse, they mostly stick to themselves -” She gestures to a group of teenagers who are talking amongst themselves and occasionally giving them wary looks. “- and over there’s Captain Hammer and Dr. Horrible -” Captain Hammer is admiring himself in a mirror while Dr. Horrible scowls and types on his laptop. “- and that’s the Dollhouse. They’re not too friendly.” Half of them are wandering around blankly while the rest stare at each other suspiciously.

A man comes over and joins them. “Captain Malcolm Reynolds. This here’s Kaylee, our ship’s mechanic. I assume she’s giving you all a proper welcome.”

“Yes, she’s been very helpful,” Coulson says. “We’re the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. I’m Agent Coulson, and these are Agents Ward and May, our scientists Fitz and Simmons, and Skye.”

“You’re an engineer?” Fitz asks Kaylee.

Kaylee nods. “I take care of Serenity. She’s a Firefly. Best ship in the ‘verse.”

“I’ve never seen a Firefly.”

“Oh well I’d be happy to show her to you,” Kaylee says.

For some reason, Mal gives Kaylee a look when she says this, but she just smiles back innocently.

Ward pulls out the informational packet that they were all given. “According to this we have a panel discussion in two hours. How do we prepare for that?”

A beautiful woman emerges from the Firefly booth. “Oh that’s nothing to worry about,” she says serenely. “The moderator does all the work. He’ll call on fans to ask questions. Just don’t tell them too much. You want to leave them with a little mystery.”

Mal smirks. “Something you would know all about in your line of work.”

She shoots him a dirty look. “I’m Inara, and it’s so nice to meet all of you. It’s been some time since we’ve had a new addition to the Whedonverse.”

“Looks like you folks are pretty popular,” Kaylee says gesturing at the front of their booth were a line is already forming. “Folks’ll be lining up to talk with you guys and ask for autographs before and after the panel. Sometimes they give you presents too.”

“Gifts and autographs are security risks, but we have been given clearance by S.H.I.E.L.D. to talk to the fans,” Coulson says.

“You guys seem really popular,” Skye says. Their booth already has a line stretching down the hall that disappears around the corner.

Inara nods and smiles. “Our fans are very loyal. It’s always so nice to see how much they enjoy watching our adventures.”

“Not always,” a large lumbering man says. “Some of them like complaining about us. They won’t hesitate to tell you if they think you’re stupid or making an ass of yourself.”

“That’s only you, Jayne. I’m sure they won’t have that problem,” Inara says.

Even though the panel discussion is not for two hours, there is a steady stream of fans approaching the booth. Some of them are wearing homemade S.H.I.E.L.D. T-shirts. Almost everyone asks to take a picture with the agents, which Coulson politely refuses.

“I’m sorry. It’s a security risk,” he says. For some reason this only seems to excite the fans more.

A very shy young woman sidles up the group. She is so nervous that her voice trails up at the end of each sentence, making everything sound like a question. “Um...excuse me? Agent Ward? I just wanted to say that I’m a huge fan? You’re even more handsome in person?” She turns bright red and starts breathing fast like she is going to hyperventilate.

“Thank you,” Ward says. None of his training has prepared him to deal with fans, and he does not know what to say to calm her down. He glances at Skye for some advice.

“That’s so nice to hear,” Skye says cheerfully. She spots some papers in the woman’s hand. “Do you want us to sign something?”

“That’s a security risk, Skye,” Coulson reminds her from the other side of the booth. Skye rolls her eyes.

“Oh no. No. That’s okay. I, uh, I just wanted to show you this - I mean you probably think it’s weird - but, uh, sometimes I write fanfiction, and I wrote this for you guys.” She practically throws it at the team and turns bright red.

Ward looks suspiciously at it. In huge letters it says, “Five Times Sex Pollen Got on the Bus and One Time They Wished It Had.”

“What’s sex pollen?” Ward asks.

Skye starts flipping through it. Her eyes grow wide, and she starts giggling. “Oh my god. This is crazy.”

Simmons peers over her shoulder. “This is absurd. S.H.I.E.L.D. has no record of any substances with these libidinal properties, pollen or otherwise.”

“Um, it’s just a story,” the woman says. “I, uh, hope you like it.” She looks at them nervously, then quickly runs away.

Skye flips further and grins at Ward. “She must be a huge fan of yours. You come off like a sex god in this.”

Simmons studies Ward critically. “I don’t think some of what she is describing is physically possible for you to do unless you were taking some kind of sexual enhancement drug, and even then -”

Ward snatches it away from them. “I think you two have read enough.”

“What did you get?” Coulson asks curiously. He comes up behind Ward, picks up the manuscript, and starts reading. After a while he says, “I appreciate your skills in the field, Agent Ward, but I can’t imagine expressing my gratitude with sexual favors.” He puts it down, then says, “Maybe it’s best if we don’t let anyone else read that.”

“Good call, sir,” Ward says.

Skye cannot stop giggling. “Yeah, we wouldn’t want to make things awkward.”

A few minutes before the panel discussion begins, one of the convention staff comes to gather the team and give them last minute instructions.

“The six of you will be sitting on the stage. You’ll each have a microphone in front of you. They’ve been working fine all day, so don’t mess with them. Joss is going to moderate the discussion. He’s had a lot of experience with all this, so just follow his lead. Whatever you do, don’t be too specific with your answers, and don’t upset the fans.”

The auditorium is much larger than Coulson thought it would be, and it is packed with fans. The moderator, Joss Whedon, calls them onto stage one by one, and after each name the hall erupts in cheers. Coulson is the last to step onto the stage, and when he does, nearly everyone in the audience stands and gives him the loudest and longest cheer. Coulson is startled by the excitement and nods nervously to the crowd.

Once the cheering dies down, Joss says, “I know you guys are as excited as me to have the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. here with us. Let’s go ahead with some questions from the audience. Before we get started, a quick reminder: no spoilers. So don’t try to trick the agents into revealing something they can’t.” He chuckles. “I don’t think we’re going to have a problem with that from these guys. They’re trained S.H.I.E.L.D. agents.”

There are microphones set up at the foot of the stage, and there are lines of fans waiting to ask their questions. The first few questions are very straightforward, mostly about what life on the bus is like. Coulson lets FitzSimmons and Skye answer them. They talk about who does the dishes, the cleaning schedule, and board game tournaments. For some reason the fans find this fascinating. They laugh as Skye describes laundry day, and there are a few audible awws when Fitz explains the schedule for choosing movies for movie night.

Then a young woman gets up in front of the microphone. “Hello. First I’d like to thank you all for being here. This is such a thrill. You guys are just the absolute best.”

“Aw, thanks,” Skye says.

“I have a question for Skye and Agent Ward. I wanted to know if you two have started dating, and if you haven’t, are you interested in each other.”

Skye coughs loudly, and Ward looks uncomfortable, so Coulson steps in. “It’s against S.H.I.E.L.D. protocol for agents who are working together to date. A relationship between Skye and Agent Ward would be extremely inappropriate, especially since he is her SO.”

There are some gasps and booing. The woman who asked the question stares at him with a look of shock and anger.

Coulson is confused and starts to say something else, but Joss interrupts him. “Relationships between S.H.I.E.L.D. agents are complicated, but that doesn’t mean that the feelings aren’t there. But questions about future relationships falls under the category of spoilers, so we’re not going to be able to talk any more about this.”

Afterwards, Coulson is surprised when Joss pulls him aside and starts yelling at him.

“What part of ‘don’t upset the fans’ did you not understand?”

“How did I upset them? I just told them the truth.”

“The fans are very invested in shipping. We don’t want to upset them by sinking their ship.”

“Shipping? Ships? What are you talking about?”

“Shipping. Relationshipping. Didn’t you read the informational packet we sent you before you came here?”

He had not. He had had a lot of S.H.I.E.L.D. documents to go through and had asked Skye to read the Character-Con informational packets and brief the team. Apparently she had left a few things out.

“Shipping wars can tear a fandom apart, and you just threw fuel onto the fire.” Joss sighs, then says, “Next time, just agree with whatever they say, okay? Stay neutral. Don’t take sides.”

Coulson still does not feel like he understands shipping, but he nods and makes a mental note to read the packet tonight.

After Joss leaves, a blond-haired man comes over and offers a sympathetic smile. “Hey, it wasn’t that bad. At least you survived. Mostly.” He sticks out his hand. “Wash. I’m the pilot of Serenity.”

“Agent Coulson.”

May looks intrigued by Wash. “Agent May, pilot of the S.H.I.E.L.D. plane.”

“Oh yeah, I saw it parked out back. Looks pretty nice.”

“I saw your ship. Very nice. Interesting shape.”

“Her name’s Serenity. She’s a Firefly-class. It’s called that because it kind of looks like one, especially when the engine’s running. You want to have a look?”

May nods. “Sure.”

“Someone has to watch the booth,” Coulson reminds her. He does not want to get in trouble again.

May gives him a look. “I am not talking to those people any more. Skye and Simmons can help you.”

“Fair enough. Have fun.”

As they walk off he notices that Jayne Cobb sticks his head out the Firefly booth. “Where you guys going?”

“I was going to show Agent May Serenity,” Wash says.

He jumps up. “I’ll come too. Gotta get some things. From my bunk.”

After they leave, Coulson, Simmons, and Skye take over the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. booth. Skye is a natural at interacting with fans, smiling and chatting pleasantly with them. Simmons seems a little more nervous, but the fans seem to like her as well. He notices that many fans keep giving him dirty looks, and he wonders if he is still paying for sinking their ship.

Coulson is not sure when exactly Simmons slips away, but when she returns he is shocked to see that she is red-faced and disheveled and is being dragged towards them by a serious-looking man with dark hair.

“Excuse me, but she said that she was supposed to be at this booth,” he says.

Coulson nods. “Simmons, what happened?”

“She got into an argument with some very angry Doctor Who fans,” he explains.

“They said that Matt Smith was the best Doctor,” she says, “which is ludicrous. He doesn’t properly embody the more serious aspects of the Doctor’s personality. Everyone knows that the best Doctor is David Tennant -”

“They were arguing like that for a while,” the man interrupts. “I thought it best to bring her back here before things got ugly.”

“I appreciate that.”

“I’m Simon Tam, by the way. I’m the doctor on Serenity. You’re with the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.?”

“Yes. I’m Agent Coulson, and these are Skye and Jemma Simmons.”

“Well, welcome to the Whedonverse.” He motions towards a brown-haired girl who is trailing behind him silently. “This is my sister, River.”

“Who. Who. Doctor Who. Very serious question,” River says. She stares at Skye and Simmons. Simmons looks a little confused, but Skye gives her a friendly smile.

“We were supposed to get something to eat, but we got a bit turned around. This place is like a maze. Do you know where we could find something?” Simon asks.

“There’s a stand with hot dogs in the lobby. I was about to go grab some for the team. Do you want me to bring you some back?”

“That’s not necessary. We can go with you.”

At the hot dog stand Skye orders for everyone so that Simon can watch River. She is fascinated by the packets of condiments and keeps throwing them up in the air. Simon is running around scooping them off the floor while the hot dog stand workers give him dirty looks.

“It’s snowing, Simon. Red snow, yellow snow, green snow.”

Skye comes over with the hot dogs and hands one each to Simon and River. She has a bag with hot dogs for Coulson and Simmons, but she takes hers out and puts mustard on it. River appears fascinated watching the mustard come out of the packet. She squeezes the packets in her hand, and ketchup and mustard shoot out at Simon.

“River, no!”

River giggles and grabs more packets. She squirts more ketchup and mustard into the air, although she seems disappointed by the relish, which does not travel as far. Some of the ketchup get on Skye’s shirt, but instead of getting angry she just laughs.

“Oh yeah? Well you’re next.” She grabs some mustard and squirts it at River, who laughs louder.

The hot dog stand employee has had enough. “You guys need to leave. You’re making a disturbance.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just my sister -” Simon gestures helplessly.

“If you don’t get her out of here, I’m calling security.”

Simon shoots Skye a look, and she sobers up. “Come on, River, we better go.” She tries to look contrite as she and Simon lead River back to the booth.

When they get there, Coulson stares at the stains on her shirt and hand. “What happened?”

“She and River were playing with the condiments,” Simon says. “I’m sorry about this.”

Coulson raises his eyebrows at Skye but says nothing.

Simmons is staring at Skye’s laptop, eyes wide. “Oh no.”

“Simmons? What is it?”

“Well, you know you said that we couldn’t sign any autographs or take any pictures because it’s a security risk -” Simmons turns the laptop towards them so they can see the screen. There is a video of Skye and River having their condiment fight on Instagram.

“Oops,” Skye says.

Coulson just rolls his eyes and sighs.

*****

The minute the booth closes, Coulson rounds up the team. “We’re leaving. Now.”

Simmons looks worried. “But where is Fitz? I haven’t seen him in hours.”

Coulson rolls his eyes. “Stay here. I’ll find him.” He heads over to the Firefly booth. “Excuse me, have you seen Fitz?” Coulson asks Mal.

Mal shrugs. “Can’t say that I have.” He frowns, then says, “Come to think of it, I haven’t seen Kaylee in a while either. Zoe!”

“Yes sir?”

“You seen Kaylee around?”

“Bunch of us went to show his team around Serenity, but I haven’t seen her since then.”

He nods towards Coulson. “That engineer of theirs go with you?”

“Yes sir.” She gives him a meaningful look. “Kaylee wanted to show him the engine.”

Mal groans, and Coulson says, “What does that mean?”

Mal ignores Coulson’s question. “What do you need him for?”

“We really need to be going. Where’s your ship?”

Mal sighs, then says, “Come on.”

When they get to the ship, Mal runs through the ship yelling, “Kaylee! Kaylee! You got that engineer here?”

There is no response, and Coulson wonders if they are even here, but Mal just keeps going until he is right outside what appears to be the engine room. Then he stops and gives Coulson an uncomfortable look. “You might be more comfortable waiting out here.” He turns and yells, “Kaylee!”

“Hi Captain,” Kaylee says, a little breathless. Coulson peers into the engine room, but he cannot see her. “I wasn’t expecting to see you back here. Is everyone back?”

“No, just me, and Agent Coulson. He’s looking for his engineer. You wouldn’t happen to have seen him, have you?”

“Well actually, Captain, me and him were just taking a look at Serenity’s engine.”

“Mmm-hmm, I thought as much.” There is a pause, and then Mal says, “You think you two could come out now?”

When the two appear, it is clear why they had been hiding behind the engine. Kaylee’s hair is a mess, and she is still fastening her overalls. Fitz’s shirt is unbuttoned, and he is awkwardly trying to put his shoes on while standing up. Fitz gives Coulson a sheepish look.

“We’re leaving,” Coulson says. “Let’s go.”

*****

When Coulson and Fitz finally arrive back on the bus, the looks on their faces make it clear that Coulson does not want any questions.

“That was not how I anticipated our first visit to Character-Con going,” he says with a sigh. As soon as they’re in the cargo bay, he calls May over the coms. “May, everyone’s back on board. Ready to go?” There is no response. “May?” He frowns. 

“After we saw the cockpit, she said she was going back to get the bus ready,” Fitz says.

“May,” Coulson repeats.

This time they all hear a calm, “Wheels up in five,” over the coms.

Just then Jayne Cobb, the large lumbering man from Serenity, runs down the staircase holding his shirt and buttoning his pants. He slows as he sees them all watching him, then picks up speed and dashes past them before they can respond.

Skye stares at him open-mouthed. “Oh my god.”

They all exchange awkward looks, then Coulson grimaces and says, “I’m going to my office. Don’t disturb me unless there’s an emergency.”

“It’ll probably go more smoothly next year,” Skye offers.

Coulson does not even turn around to answer her. “We are not coming back next year.”

*****

“It was nice to have a new addition to the Whedonverse this year,” Inara comments as she, Mal, and Kaylee watch the plane take off.

“Yep.” Mal spots Jayne hurrying towards them half-dressed. “Where have you been?”

“Sorry Mal. But that lady pilot of theirs is something else. She’s real flexible -”

“Oh god! I don’t want to hear this!” Mal exclaims. Inara makes a face.

Kaylee though just stares up at the plane. “I sure hope they come back next year.”

**Author's Note:**

> For the record, neither of us has ever attended Comic-Con or any fan convention. Everything in here is pure speculation. Also, this is set between the TV show Firefly and the movie Serenity. We were just too sad not to include Wash, plus we didn’t want Kaylee to be with Simon yet. Kaylee and Simon are cute together, but we really wanted to have Fitz hookup with Kaylee. Finally, neither of us watch Doctor Who, so we just made up Simmons’ Doctor Who argument using what little we know about it. Feel free to comment on who you actually think would be Simmons’ favorite Doctor.
> 
> Also, we hope that the fic does not come across as insulting towards fandom, fanfiction, or shipping. However, we thought that Ward and Coulson would be very uncomfortable when confronted with those things.


End file.
